Year-end Survey + Hiatus

1.) Where did you ring in 2006?
Steve's place with the boys. Drunken madness. I passed out before midnight. I rock.

2.) What was your status by Valentine's Day?
this question is stated as if I was planning to achieve something by then!

3.) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
BA baaabbbyyy

4.) How did you earn your keep?
webmaster job on campus

5.) Did you ever have to go to the hospital?
no

6. Did you have an encounter with the police?
mm I feel like I have but dont remember.... typical.

7.) Where did you go on vacation?
Mediterranean

8.) What did you purchase that was over $500?
nothing

9.) Did you know anybody who got married?
Leo!

10.) Did you know anybody who passed away?
no

11.) Have you ran into anybody you graduated high school with?
mm don't remember

12.) Did you move anywhere?
back home

13.) What sporting events did you go to?
did i? hahah

14.) What concerts did you go to?
Ozma ozma ozma ozma

15.) Are you registered to vote?
yes

16.) If so, did you do your patriotic duty on Nov. 7?
yes

17.) Where do you live now?
the town

18.) Describe your birthday?
dimsum with fams, shopped in frisco all day with my mom to buy work clothes, dinner at bordeaux for fillet mignoooonnnn, zanze's cheesecake, more cake at jacob+james'

19.) What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2006?
one night stand? i'm sucha ho.

20.) What is one thing you regretted this year?
hooking up with certain people, but not really at the same time.

21.) What's something you learned about yourself?
that i love myself, that i can sometimes be my own best friend which sounds really creepy and kinda schizo but you know. whatevs.

22.) Any new additions to your family?
no

23.) What was your best month?
july.

24.) Best decision made all year?
Tickling the idea and eventually going thru with asking henry to come to oakland to hang out

25.) What will you remember 2006 by?
half full of drunken debauchery, the other half of slowly growing up and meeting an amazing person along the way

26.) What are you doing to ring in 2007?
spend new years eve with my significant other, something i've never done before!

---

hiatus

: hey gohgoh, there's a small little computer next to the game room stairs with your name on it, do you still need the parts to that computer?
brother: lemme think
: specifically the ram, i stole the ram
: hahah
brother: yeah go ahead, but dunno what you would use in ther...i can't think of anyting reliable in there :-)
brother: i think the power supply is pretty small
brother: the processor is a celeron somthing....not even a 1 GHz Processor
: oh i just wanted the ram
: haha
brother: bawahha....go ahead if it works :-)
: thanks!
brother: i was thinking of dumping it eventually...but have kept it around because of such a small case
brother: good foot stool too
: hahah oh it's that one
: now i have a whooping 352 mb of rab
: *ram
brother: you only had 256 MD before?
brother: MB i mean
: yeah all thru college
brother: how do u survive :-)
: technique and patience
brother: even [mommy's] computer has more
: the old [one] or the new [one]?
brother: the new one of course ... the old one might as well not exist
: that new one is better than anything i've ever had
: which is simply the computer i just rebuilt

The last two days, I've fixed up my computer to give to my younger cousins who've never had a computer before. Sucks... they're prolly in jr high/high school without a computer. I can't imagine being computer/internetless growing up, most especially at this time and age. Anyway, this will help end my internet addiction so I won't be around too much after this (I hope). Until I earn enough money for my own, I'll be using my parents' here and there to check email/find friends to DS with.

Happy holidays and be safe <3

I'm excited to WORK!!

I really am.
it's good to know i'm out of my bum phase and back to productivity. back to LIVING! WOOOHOOO!!

All the best DJs are saving
The slowest song for last
When the dance is through
It's me and you
Come on would it really be so bad?



Today, I made lasagna. I'm gonna perfect it like I did my "special" chocholate chip cookies.

Dream from last night. Cold, Lifeless, but Absolute.

I don't remember the back story, but my family and I might have been on vacation or something, at some shady place, where there was a war going on. and I guess the battles had moved on into our hotel area, so we tried to grab all of our belongings to leave. My mom and dad were somewhere further off where we were supposed to eventually meet up with them, but my bros and I were packing our things until we heard "them" (the bad guys?) stomping thru the hotel hallways. So we hid. Within the sliding closet. I was on the side closer to the entrance, and my brothers were closer to the room wall. Some "enemy" guy walked in quietly to look for any valuables or something, and he opened the closet door, the one I was hiding behind. He grabbed me out, and didnt even bother to notice the two other ppl behind the other closet door, and he tried to man-handle me onto the bed. But (I guess because I'm so ridiculously strong?) my struggling stalled time, cuz I knew inside the closet, my brothers were reaching for some emergency golden pistols. They were loading them, while I was stalling time. But it was scary nonetheless. I couldn't understand what the bad guy was saying to me, but he pulled out his penis and made suggestive implications all while grabbing a tight hold of my wrist. A shot sounded and there was a hollow hole thru the guy's penis. No blood, just a hole thru the shaft. The guy didn't looked hurt, just looked down to examine himself. Another shot sounded and while he was still holding on tight to my wrist, my oldest brother had shot him in the chest. There was a time where nothing happened but we just watched his body to see what would happen. He was still holding on tight, and all I could think of was, "Shoot him again to make sure..." My oldest brother handed the pistol to my other brother who shot two to four times more in the chest. The grip around my wrist loosened a little. My brother looked at me with the pistol in hand with a look of, "Do you want to do it to make sure?" I shook my head. Both of them were confident, sure, and completely expressionless. We grabbed our things and left the room to meet up with our parents.

i'm in LOVE with BAGEL BITES!

they're so good.
.......

from when I went down to Riverside to surprise the boy. the roomies and i were waiting around impatiently for a few hours that they even set up a little decoy boobie-trap for kicks, the waterbottle on top of door trick. lawlz. pwned.




conventional oven is DEFINITELY better than microwaving it. tsk tsk tsk. look at all that melted crust. sigh. wasted.

i also found this pic while google imaging "bagel bites"

lawlz.

Cuz there's beauty in the break down

I've been really grouchy today. It's probably because I have this bad hoarse throat thing going on, that won't go away no matter how much water I drink. Plus, some pipe on our street blew and they've shut off water for the night while they fix it.

Anyway, grouchy. It's the kinda grouchy where I pick out all the little annoying things that the people around me do. And when I say 'all' I mean ALL. It's where it's just best if you don't ask me a question or provoke me to talk, because the only thing I have to say is to make you feel bad for making me talk to begin with. The only things I have to say are to make you feel stupid for saying something, ask you why you had to do something, and then criticize you for it.

That's how it used to be a lot when I lived at home. I'm good at making people feel like they're shit. I did that a lot with Marco. And I hate(d) myself for it. So I've cut down on it a lot more in the last two to three years. But being used to doing that for years of my life, sometimes you just relapse. And I guess the worst part is... I don't know where all the anger comes from. I hate how our world teaches us that it's much more acceptable to hate each other than it is to love each other, to the point where loving is just weird and awkward. But I'm not blaming other people for my own issues... I am society, society is me, is you, is us, is me.

Growing up, I was always the venting hole for my mom when it came to all her friends, our relatives, my dad. If anyone's seen the movie The Squid and the Whale (a movie that I highly don't really recommend but I supposed deserves some recognition since it pretty much left quite a mark in my mind), the beginning shows how easily and closely children follow in their parents' footsteps, more than often very bilaterally. "I don't like how the family's hella split in half because the kids just follow one parent or other," I said to Man. But to be honest, I follow my mom pretty much 100% when it comes to opinions and judgements. I'm pretty sure I greatly disliked and was annoyed of my dad for a bulk of my childhood because of the things she would vent to me about. I'm not blaming her but just saying... that's just how things were...

I love my mom. But there are just some times... I don't want to believe that she's right. And I don't want to listen to all the things she has to say because it just gets me more and more mad how negative and jugdemental she can be. And what I hate the most, no... what SCARES me the most is that I can be influenced by that. that I'll turn out like that one day. Because I don't WANT to be like that. I don't WANT to have an opinion for everything. I don't WANT to be so critical of everything and everyone. People are who they ARE. I LIKE accepting people for who they are, and I LIKE trying to understand why people do the things they do without shutting them out right away. I'm so scared of turning out to be like her. probably because I know there's a part of me that's just like that right now too.

One of the things I've come to learned is to try to be appreciative of those people who AREN'T appreciative of others. Minorities among the minorities. LVL blessed us with such immense knowledge, but it only makes things so much more complicated and complex. "Be a sheep, but be a SMART sheep." These are the kinda times where ignorance is bliss. Times like these, I just want to mindlessly follow everyone else and NOT know things and NOT see things. One of the greatest things about Sociology is that it's applicable to everyone and everything. One of the worst things about Sociology is that it's applicable to everyone and everything. If you let it get to you, you analyze anything and everything around you. I love Soc. My radar's on way too much for my own mental health. And I'm usually not sure how to turn it off.

Whatever. here's my latest art piece.

The Monsters In Your Bed

(that's a bad pic. i'll retake in the morning with better lighting.)

i'm pretty bipolar arent i? brace yourself, henry.
... i cant wait for you to come home...

i like this guy named henry.

i like him a lot.

No, I ain't talkin about no soccer player. Sure, he's great and all but he sure ain't gonna behead me!


There's no way he's the vacuum I saw on the cruise cuz he's not THAT clean! And I guess he kinda makes up witty rhymes here and there but he's no Thoreau!





His name is Henry, and I actually know him but, that's just not the one I'm talkin about man!


Yeah I may have dated him before but that was ages ago! Not THAT Henry!


The guy I'm talking about draws and all that but that's just a totally different style!
Tomy's chili cheese fries are always good for bribery, however.







ღ.♥.¸ஐ¸.·*ღ♥´¯`*·.¸¸♥ღ *..this is so gross i wanna throw up..*ღ♥¸¸.·*´¯`♥ღ*·.¸ஐ¸.♥.ღ
i totally need to be kicked for this one.

I guess I'll do a short post for the eve of

Life is SUCH a weird concept. It's kinda like sleeping, if you think about it. Everyday, we wake up to a world that's been running on its own while you were in your blissful unconsciousness, and when you wake up, you start your own day. If you think about it, it's like we're born every single time we wake up. Out of some vague darkness, into the hustly bustly world, only to go back to another vague dark place.

I like that concept of us being the center of the world, in a sense that all you know is what you know. And even then, who knows if even THAT is real. For all you know, the world only existed when you were born. For all you know, the world only exists the moment you wake up in bed. For all you know, the world DOESN'T exist the day after you die. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm thankful for everything I have, everything I've learned, all the people I've met and have helped me grow in each other their own individual ways, all the little things that make me smile, all the grand things that make me smile. I'm thankful for love, for understanding, acceptance, open-mindedness, their opposites to justify the things I believe in, for all the opportunities I've been given, for being in the place that I am today, for growing up in Oakland, for being allowed to be me, for having a roof to live under, for having the internet, for having the choice of having any food I desire, for my friends for loving me for me, for my friends, for Henry, for my brothers, for my parents.



And you ask me what I want this year and I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days, cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings, and desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words, and sing out loud, cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

And it's someplace simple where we could live, and something only you can give
And that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child that saved this world, and there's 10 million more who probably could, if we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words, and sing out loud, cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight, and somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words, and sing out loud, cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

A hick.. a hick is one that lives in a stick...

I've been having really intense sleeping habits lately. The duration of these don't usually last that long, but I feel like I've been sleeping like this for a month now.

It's the kind where I close my eyes and open them immediately, only to find that 10 hours have passed. I typically remember my dreams but the only ones I can barely remember are the last bits before I realize in the dream that I'm dreaming. (I found out 2 years ago that not many people realize that they're dreaming when they're dreaming, and not many people can really decide what they want to do in the dream. I used to have really really really bad nightmares when I was little so I guess I developed something here I can avoid those dreams altogether by shaking myself awake to "switch" dreams. (Thus explains my fear of the dark and why I refuse to watch any scary movie cuz it'll haunt me for a few months, and probably why I don't remember any of my childhood monsters.))

So usually these kinda sleeping habits only go on for a few days or so, but I've definitely been deep sleeping for a few weeks now. It's kinda scary cuz... I feel like I have no control over myself during that whole time of being... well... numb. When it comes to our sleeping habits, my mom always says, "Foh-jook doo mm jee ah!" You wouldn't even know if there's a fire! It's true. It's true.


Happy talk keep talkin' happy talk
Talk about things you'd like to do
You got to have a dream
If you don't have a dream
How you gonna have a dream come true?

(okay, I don't know what is more funny. taking it back to this song, or the fact that that girl is obsessed with the index-thumbing motion that she even has to do it underwater. COMIN TO THE DANCE, NELLIE??)
(i ruined all seriousness of this post.)

Life Is Like A Shooting Star

it don't matter who you are if you only run for cover, it's just a waste of time
we are lost 'til we are found, this phoenix rises up from the ground
and all these wars are over

Today was DELETING day.

Sometimes, you happen to stumble upon some old files here and there, some things you didn't realize were still around, some things you didn't expect to find, some things that you wish were kept buried under the rest of your junk. For some reason or other, you said in the past that you'd keep it around to rediscover later on, whether the files are good or bad things. A lot of times, you find these things again, and then it finally hits you: I don't need this shit. Cuz that's exactly what it is: unnecessary crap. shit. Then, it's great to realize and know that these things are disposable, because it allots for more harddrive space, for things more suitable to your PRESENT life. It's like cleaning out your house of the things that really don't matter anymore.

Sometimes, the meaning of some things are so heavy, so burdening, that it feels... relieving... to let things go. It's like the weights come right off. You put as much meaning in something as much as you WANT to. You have total control over how much you want something to affect you. It just gets upsetting sometimes because you don't want some things to affect you, but they still will. whether emotionally, or physically. you just react, without your willing to do so or not.


Everything with you has been like ... well... for a lack of better words... god sent. Things fall into place, one piece after another. What scared me from the beginning was how sure I felt from the get go. Part of the reason is because of the tremendous amount of signs, the blatant hints and clues that spell it all out. No, I'm still atheist. But the things I believe in are close to what most "religions" believe in: karma, signs, the phenomenon that is life, a greater power. What I believe in is the way of the universe, the way the world works, everything that is life itself that we ALL build TOGETHER. Place a name, a label, a face on it, whatever you want, but whatever these signs are, they've been so blatant in saying, "Hey, go this way. You're doing everything right so far. You want a perfect moment? Here you go, here's one. Why? Cuz everything you're doing so far is right."

Anyway, point of the story is, just as these things have started occurring a lot more in the last few months, it only seems understandable/natural to have a test fall right into your lap, without your control, and totally (un)expected and blatant as the counterparts before it. You get tested to see if you've understand the things you've learned during the course of this class. Have you improved? How? What have you learned? What do you want to do from here? How do you see things now, in retrospect?


Reaffirmation. I'm sure of it. It's like... the counter-sureness. I guess if I never found this junk today, or rather... if it never found me, I would never feel the stern and convinced notion of throwing it away. As if I were slipping and tickling the wrong thought, another sign came up and slapped me in the face. Reality check. Only to reinforce something that I already knew. I am enough. I am loved. And I am ever more grateful for the things that I have.

I want one.

I went over to the boys' house last night to play the wii with them.

Somyunggui vs. Jesus


James playing boxing on wii sports


The guys were even nice enough to make a mii for me.

Here's the final product:

It was so sad that Jacob's mii avoided interacting with "Estella" every time we tried. I hate you guys.

"The Good Life"

A lot has changed and even now there's still so much I'm so unsure of.

It's really ______ to know how I've changed so much in the last few years. Even now, being home, I know I've changed from how I was four months ago. I was reading Bonnie's xanga and just thinking about her, it hit me how much I've gone through that I can't really contain in words. Quite simply... it's life.

Through it all, I'm glad I've had certain individuals who stayed close to me through all my worst times, all my BEST times. I can never be more grateful for having the friends that I do because, well, they remind me who I should be, who I want to be, who I strive to be. Bonnie. The meaning of her is so HEAVY. First year was.... It's weird to look back and see how your life went by so fast. Back in high school, everyone thought they'd keep in touch, that no matter what we'd try our best to fight the distance and the new friendships and to keep it all together. God, we were so innocent and oblivious. To be honest, I was readily acceptable to move away for change. I was pushed out of my bubble and wanted it all to start anew. Yeah, I did... and simply readjusted my whole life to revolve around one person. School was crap and I wasn't interested at all. Friends, I didn't really have any really close friends because I was happy with having one person. His family, his friends, his room, his life. I dropped my activism. THAT was first year.

Time slipped by real fast, and yet even with friends from first year like Bonnie, we were convinced that nothing would change and that we'd still maintain it all. But second year came by and one week, two weeks, three weeks, months went by and all you could say was, "Oh, have I seen _____? Naw... I haven't really seen them lately...." as if you're half expecting you or them to call each other up to hang out. In a flash, one or two more school years go by. Yet, you're still convinced that you're still friends with them.

There's a lot of people I regret not putting in the effort to spend more time with because I genuinely liked them, but there's always that convenience factor. Of course, if I had the chance to change anything, I wouldn't because I simply love everything I have become. I haven't said this for a while, but thanks for being there for me, for not judging me, for being the best of friends, for everything.

Change.

Chilling at Jacob & James' last night, we sat and talked for a while, about the things we always talk about. Spirtuality. Oakland life. and of course, criticizing the life of those who drone-ishly follow the materialistic/capitalistic standards that we're taught. God I wish I could live that life. "Art and music. These are the universal languages in this world," he said, pointing at his sketchbook. "It doesn't matter what class, what race, whatever the hell you are. You can see something or hear something and say, 'Yeah. That's awesome.' or 'Naw, I don't like that.' And of course, these are the two programs that always get cut out from schools," the two that have the least prestige, get paid the least, and is simply put into the categories of having least social capital. And there we sat, three artists, listening to an electronic cover of early megaman themes, eyes down on a sketch of 5-year old kids clad in military gear, fighting and defending their cherished home and territory.

I miss Oakland... even though I am here. and have been for the last few months. But to be honest, I've been here, but I haven't been here. The last four months, I've been living in LA, in Riverside, half way across the globe, in the electronic world. I've been hesitant to look up jobs and to actually apply because, well, I've been holding back because I wish I could just go back to all the care-free fun of last year--I'm scared of I-don't-know-what. I miss Oakland because I haven't been living here. I've been living some..... where.

But I kinda got a reminder yesterday. I know I say it all the time, I know it's surged out from every pore of my body already but... I really love Oakland. and I love my Oakland friends. It's how much CULTURE there is. Sure there's a lot of ethnic groups and all that stuff but what I'm really talking about is the CULMINATION of ALL those thigns mixed in, making its OWN culture. I think that's why I just love hanging out with the boys. Everyone comes from so many backgrounds, and we all bring it in, we share it, and we all embrace it, for each other, WITH each other. We're all so different, but all so alike. I guess that's only a slice of my love for Oakland. But simply describing it as "diversity" just does. not. do. it. justice. Class consciousness at it's effin greatest. I frickin love my boys.

The last four years, I kinda got lost in a lot of things. Because I wanted to get away, I dropped everything when I went to LA. I can't believe I so easily forgot about everything I wanted to change in the world. I regained it, and my friends here were always here to remind me about my roots and all that we care about, but it's time to practice what I preach and I've been letting it slip again. I'm scared. I keep pushing it off, I keep running away from it. I don't know why. It's like this whole time I've been pushing from the back, pushing and pushing, and here I am now, pushed my way three feet away from the front and center of the war... and I'm chickening out.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. -- Marianne Williamson

Thanks for making me think again.

Leave Your Computer On All Day? PQ With Me! :D

why is it when someone ask a question about playing the game you just act ignorant and go around the question... im sick and tired of getting my questions ignored, and im sure alot of other ppl do to, and dont say "what are you talking about, i have no clue what your saying" because you do.

I've always wanted to own an "ape ass". Thanks Progress Quest for fulfilling that dream for me!

My brother recently told me that he got his coworkers playing Progress Quest, this old game we used to play 6 or 7 years ago. (This is the same workplace where they have mario kart ds competitions every. day.) It's been a long time and greg0r and I often mention it here and there over the last few years but I never thought I'd be playing it again so soon.

So if you're interested, it's a pretty fun game [download] . I'm currently on a mission to execute the Hippogrifves, and my current specialty is Innoculate I. ENDLESS XP-GAINING GRATIFICATION, unlike some games where it takes waaayyyy too long to level up!

I started a guild to represent the old clan, so when you're playing press ctrl+g and type in "PB_". w00t w00t.



ilIl az nboI: whats pb
: my old gaming clan (oh god.)
: we've become a ds clan these days
ilIl az nboI: wow
ilIl az nboI: thats the nerdiest thing ive ever heard
: yes yes
: lol
ilIl az nboI: you just keep pushing the limits
: HAHHAHAHA
: YOU LOVE IT
: I KNOW IT
: DONT LIE
: YOU DO
: I KNOW
ilIl az nboI: you know wrong
ilIl az nboI: its like youre saving up
ilIl az nboI: you say something really nerdy
ilIl az nboI: and then you say something even nerdier
ilIl az nboI: and i think its the nerdiest thing ever
ilIl az nboI: but then you say something even nerdier
ilIl az nboI: this is like the 16th time already

T-Rex knows best.

Edit: I am finally starting to feel the self-guilt and ansy-ness of needing to do something. It's 'bout time. I've waited for quite a while for you to come back! gosh!

i've realized

i miss blogging.

Maybe that'll explain part of my lack of interest to do anything anymore these days. I've become such a bum.

Anyhow, I found out earlier last month that the host for my site was shutting down, and I tried contacting my friend who had signed up for my domain name and has access to it, etc, but to no avail. So currently, my domain will sit empty for a while.... until I figure out what to do. In addition to that, I figured it'd be time to have my site "grow up" anyhow. Seriously... 8 years of... well... whatever it was... time for a change. From a typical geocities "interest" site with little sailormoon pics here and there, to collection of pics of well.. me.. (how narcisstic), to event pics with family and friends, quite simply a historical base for my own life.

Anyway, I dunno what's gonna happen but I wanted to conform a little and start up a public blog again since facebook noting is a little too much for me.

okay I think I'm supposed to put some kinda picture here now

i've lost my sense of e-place.